Authors Note: This was written my first semester at Cornell. I was a fledgling freshman in the College of Engineering and really not happy with my decision at the time, or where I felt my life was going. I wrote this essay near the end of the semester when a lot of adjustments were being made and tons of things uncertain. It was a period of unprecedented growth for myself as an individual, and I made a lot of changes that first semester which have led me to where I am now. However, I am proud to say that I am currently a pleasantly happy and content junior in the College of Arts & Sciences in pursuit of a degree in Government and International Relations. Suffice it to say, though, as rough as that first semester of mine was I wouldn’t trade it for anything. For we only get out of life what we put in, and it is during those times where we experience hardships that we truly grow as individuals.
From the very beginning I can recall my parents instilling within me a sense of moral judgment and a value system which I still carry with me to this day. In order to learn and to grow my parents displayed a great tolerance to allow me to find out for myself how I should govern my behavior. This was done by allowing me to experience firsthand causality with my actions and to follow through with my decisions no matter the consequences. Following in the footsteps of one such as Gandhi, these experiences were “my experiments with truth.”
I was always granted the opportunity to find out things in life first-hand. My parents had together decided that the best education is not the one that is taught, but the one that is experienced and ingrained forever into your very being. Only through this self-teaching method can the very essence of truth be ascertained. Not quite set loose in the real world, but at the same time not continuously on my parent’s leash, I was always given the opportunity to try out new things and to pursue whatever made me happy; assuming it was reasonable and acceptable. I was also put into many challenging situations by my parents in order to develop the capacity to handle adversity in as many diverse situations as possible. All in efforts to build my character and to further enlighten me with the inner workings of the world, the shadows of the “truth” of mankind.
Now, for the first time in my life, I am truly making decisions on my own. I am a college student these days and I am beginning to find out the real workings of the world firsthand. I am discovering what it means to really be independent and every step along the way is developing me into the adult that I will be. Every action, every decision, holds consequence and will resound throughout the entirety of my existence. A famous quote from the move Gladiator, Maximus (Russell Crowe) said, “What we do in life echoes in eternity.” Everything that I do from this point on affects not only my life, but countless other lives for generations to come.
Since the very beginning of this semester I have not felt in the least bit comfortable. Some inner sense of mine was not quite feeling “at home” in my new environment. Of course, this is understandable because this was my first time being away from home and having to fend for myself. And as a direct result of finally being off on my own, over the course of this semester I have had many insights into myself as a student, a person, and have reevaluated some of my own aspirations along the way.
For instance, before coming here to Cornell my goal was to receive a Bachelor’s of Science in Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering. I possibly wanted to participate in the 2-2-1 program offered here at Cornell which entailed spending my first two years here at Cornell, my next two years in France studying at Ecole Centrale, and then finally one more year here at Cornell to receive my Master’s Degree. From there I would get an MBA so as to grant me the opportunity to run my own business someday. I aspired to run an 8-A government contracting firm, and would make a lot of money in the process. This was the truth as I knew it.
Slowly, over time, I began to realize that this was not what I truly wanted. Somewhere along the lines, tracing its beginning to my senior year of high school, I planted the seed of doubt about engineering. I began to question what it was I really wanted to do, and how I was going to get there. It took me to get to Cornell, and to finally begin taking classes, that made me realize that I was wrong about what I truly wanted. However, these can be likened to Gandhi’s experiences where he delved into the existence of truth to search for the meaning of his existence and to discover himself along the way.
On top of my realization that I no longer wanted to be an engineer, I began to question whether or not Cornell was really the place for me. Before coming here I “knew” that this place would be a good fit for me, yet I really hadn’t done the research or looked much into what Cornell had to offer me. I finally began to do so when I got here, however. From the onset I have questioned myself and what it is that I truly desire. I have questioned my goals and other things as well. I have had problems – some like most freshmen here, some not – which have caused me to really grow as an individual along the way and allowed me to discover my own truth.
I have thus far come to the conclusion that I want more out of my undergraduate experience. I wish to further find myself and to seek other ways to push and challenge myself. And for a time, I did not see that happening at Cornell, for I was truly not happy here. The “truth” is that by reevaluating everything I have come to many conclusions. The first being that money should not be the only goal in my life. Throughout my stay here at Cornell, I have stumbled across the realization that if I’m not going to be happy with my future profession then I should not pursue it only for the money aspect. I have also come to terms with how I want to live my life, and my current lifestyle here at Cornell does not fit into that.
There are many more things that I have discovered along the way, even in such a short stay here at Cornell. Some seeds were planted before arriving, while others after I got here. Either way, Cornell has given me insights into my life and has changed the way I view many things. This semester has all been one big experiment, an experiment of my life that has further enabled me to find the path of “truth” for myself.
After a period of self-doubt and true unhappiness, I finally was able to see for myself what I want to do for the time being. For a few days I was seriously considering leaving Cornell. Yet with that decision came the sudden realization of what exactly it was that I was giving up. I got here by working hard in school my whole life, and Cornell would not have accepted me had they not thought that I could succeed here. I suddenly saw for the first time in a very long time just what kind of opportunity I am being granted by going to school here, and what that could mean for my future. A degree from Cornell is equaled by only a few throughout the world, and can better help me to live my life as I want to. Someday I’d like to raise a family, and an education from Cornell can help me better support my family, and give my kids a better life than I had growing up. I was privileged, yet I want my kids someday to be granted opportunities that even I never had growing up.
As I take a glance back at the semester that I am now leaving behind, I see a period of growth and learning unprecedented during my lifetime. I cannot say that I handled every situation in the best manner possible, but I have learned from both my mistakes and successes this semester. I have taken a look into my self, and have truly grown from my experiences this semester. I do not wish to sound pretentious, yet I feel that all the experiences and everything I had to deal with this semester allowed me to grow more rapidly and mature faster than my fellow peers. I now feel like a new person, reborn anew. I have been through some of the worst possible things a freshman can experience all at once, yet that has made me into a stronger person. My experiences this semester have made me grow and gave me time to reflect upon myself and what it is I truly want out of life.
It is imperative as you go through life to think of it as an experiment rather than a bunch of goals, because if all you focus on is the finished product then you will miss everything in-between. I was always taught to think that it is not so much the end result that matters, so much as the journey to get there. It is the journey that is the most memorable and meaningful because you learn so much along the way, and yet you can miss so much as well if you only see the end.
For example, the best instance in my life that I can apply to this would be my accomplishment of receiving the rank of Eagle Scout. The whole process of ascending through the ranks of Boy Scouting took me seven long and arduous years, and I have some really wonderful memories and learned so much. The rank itself is only attained by approximately two percent of all those who join Scouting, yet it really is just a badge. What truly is significant is what the Eagle badge represents. It embodies all the years of hard work, dedication, perseverance, and commitment required to ascend to the rank of Eagle. My journey towards that rank is one that I will always cherish; one that has shaped and molded me into what I am today. And if all I focused on was the end result of receiving the rank of Eagle, then I would be missing out on the whole point. The process of getting there is the purpose of it all.
Life itself is just a big journey. It is never certain, and one can never be sure where it will take you. All of life’s experiences must be taken in stride, and there certainly are many ups and downs. However, it is that one moment of joy for every ten moments of sadness, or that one thing in the world that truly means everything to you that makes life so livable. The uncertainty of living is just a part of life and must be accepted, because everyone experiences life in their own way. Yet, the end result is the same for everybody: no one gets out alive. And as Gandhi would say, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow.” So we as individuals need to focus more on the time spent together and the experiences we have and share because that is what truly defines living. That is the truth of existence.